When I first saw other insulin pump users talk about taking pump vacations, I got confused. Having a pump is awesome! I’d think. Who would want to go back to 4+ shots every day after getting a pump? I’d wonder.
Yesterday, I got it. Yesterday, I contemplated for a brief moment ripping off my pod and cracking open the emergency Lantus in the fridge. My stomach hurt. It wasn’t an upset stomach, is was on the surface. It felt like there was a finder constantly pressing on a bruise… except I don’t have a bruise on the left side of my stomach where it hurt and the bruise on the right side of my stomach where my pump site had torn 2 weeks ago had finally healed. If you looked closely, you’d see one tiny red dot where it hurt. One red dot where an OmniPod had sat two days before.
I hadn’t slept well the night before because I kept rolling onto my pod. I’ve been tense every time I bolus, expecting the shrill screech of failure that I’ve grown accustom to hearing on a regular basis and the 50+ units of insulin that I can’t keep.
I thought about what it would be like to lose the awkward clothing bumps caused by the pods. What it would be like to pick up one of my nieces or nephew without the risk of having a site torn out from since their little legs always find where I’ve hidden my pods.
I thought about it.
I considered a pump vacation.
And then it passed.
As great as it would be to no longer have a thing stuck to me, it’s better to not take 4-6 shots every day. It’s better to be able to more precisely dose my insulin, even being able to take half unit measurements isn’t as precise as I need in some instances and no matter how much I tweak whatever Lantus doses I would need now (I haven’t taken Lantus in 2 years… 2 years from yesterday!),
I can’t make it mimic the crazy up and down of my basal patterns that my endo, CDE and I have adjusted over and over again to keep up with my crazy body… and I don’t think I can go back to the burning and night time injection schedule.
Wearing the pods are the best possible scenario for me… emphasis on the possible in that sentence because the “best” scenario would be a functioning pancreas and a poke-free existence.