When I first saw other insulin pump users talk about taking pump vacations, I got confused. Having a pump is awesome! I’d think. Who would want to go back to 4+ shots every day after getting a pump? I’d wonder.
Yesterday, I got it. Yesterday, I contemplated for a brief moment ripping off my pod and cracking open the emergency Lantus in the fridge. My stomach hurt. It wasn’t an upset stomach, is was on the surface. It felt like there was a finder constantly pressing on a bruise… except I don’t have a bruise on the left side of my stomach where it hurt and the bruise on the right side of my stomach where my pump site had torn 2 weeks ago had finally healed. If you looked closely, you’d see one tiny red dot where it hurt. One red dot where an OmniPod had sat two days before.
I hadn’t slept well the night before because I kept rolling onto my pod. I’ve been tense every time I bolus, expecting the shrill screech of failure that I’ve grown accustom to hearing on a regular basis and the 50+ units of insulin that I can’t keep. Continue reading