My Mom Is Getting Married

I mentioned awhile ago that my mom is getting married. I know that a lot of people have parents who are remarried, but growing up I never imagined that someday I’d have a “step dad.”

It’s interesting to be the youngest daughter and play the old-married lady role for my mom, not that she needs marriage advice, it’s the wedding aspect the my sister and I have been helping her with.

The times that things get a little tricky are when I tell people the my mom is engaged. Those who know me and who knew my dad know that I loved my dad dearly and that my parents’ relationship was a strong example to me of a committed, loving marriage. My parents fought my dad’s cancer together and when he passed away two years ago, we knew that he didn’t want my mom to be alone. But when I said, “My mom is engaged,” or “My mom is getting married,” the immediate response from people was, “Are you okay with that?” or “How does that make you feel?”

To be frank, it’s weird.

But am I okay with it? Yes.

My mom’s fiance is a nice man, who is clearly crazy about her and regularly drives more than 250 miles to visit her. He treats her with care and respect. But that is not enough for me to consider him “okay,” since he is dating a woman with three grown children and an expanding pack of grandchildren.

What makes him “okay” with me is that he tolerates survives us and dare I say, he likes us. He has crawled around on the carpet with the toddlers and on more than one occasion run out of lap space because they climbed up on him.

The child on my mom’s lap is actually not related. She came over to my mom during a birthday party and climbed up!

 

Being the childless couple in the  family, I appreciate that he has also taken an interest in us. He really likes Brad and in the larger, extended-family gatherings, I can usually find him and my husband in close proximity to each other, possibly finding a reprieve in quieter conversations with smaller groups of people.

Here’s what really won me over though:

We were helping my mom move and organize some things that she’d had in storage since moving back to Ohio. We ran across my dad’s old flashcards from when he was learning Greek. My dad took Greek when he was getting his Master’s of Divinity degree. Since I was homeschooled at that time, he would study when I would study and sometimes I would help him by following him around the house and showing him flashcards. My mom told her fiance (boyfriend at the time) that story and he looked at me and said with complete sincerity, “He sounds like a cool dad.”

I know I used the label “step dad” earlier, but that won’t be what I call him. Everyone is okay with us calling him by his first name and when I talk about him to others he’ll be “my mom’s husband.” And he’s already family to us.

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9 thoughts on “My Mom Is Getting Married

  1. I remember doing Greek flashcards with Dad too 🙂 Great memories! I agree, he has won me over as well for similar reasons, he will be a great Step-Dad. I get the same questions about mom getting married, and its weird yes, but I too am okay with it. The weirdness is starting to wear off the more into the wedding process she gets. 🙂

  2. I’m so happy for your mom! From what I’ve heard, she is an incredible, strong woman. I’m thrilled she’s found a companion in life who makes her happy and who honors and respects your dad’s memory.

  3. Beautiful…as always. Sometime in the next year or so, I will be in the same situation as your mom. It is so helpful to hear your perspective on how you and your family have dealt with the complex feelings associated with her remarrying. Lovely post.

  4. Congrats to your mom for finding love and to your family for the addition of what seems like a great member!! Remarrying is definitely a touchy subject, regardless of how old you are or the duration of time that the relationship has ceased to exist. Thank you for sharing!! Great post.

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